you manage to turn the ones i love against me.
you manage to turn my family against me.
you manage to turn myself against me.
i’ve never understood your grudge against me.
i’m the one who spent my nights crying.
i’m the one who always felt like dying.
i’m the one who had to listen to your lying.
you’re just the one who spent his time trying-
just to buy my affection.
but take a look at your reflection,
and see the infection
that led to your daughters feelings of rejection.
you put drugs above me,
you put sleep above me,
you put money above me,
you put everything under the sun above me.
and don’t think now that your present
that i have to be pleasant,
or that this tiny percent
makes up for all times you were absent.
but I shouldn’t even bother.
because of you i am stronger.
but you were never my father,
and i’ll never be your daughter.
my father loved me.
my father protected and respected me.
my father gave and slaved away for me.
the majority of my fathers priorities started and ended with me.
the man who held me the first time my heart broke,
the man who taught me my very first notes,
the man who actually gave a fuck when i spoke,
that man is my father.
so stop trying to be someone
you and I both know you could never become.
i don’t want your love,
and frankly, i’ve had enough.
I do not justify my sins at all. Yes, Jesus died on that cross for all of our sins, but that doesn’t mean we can just walk around and commit like adultery or whatever other sin without repercussions. We should strive to have a heart like Jesus. We are human so yeah, we’re going to sin. But we should also ask for our God to forgive us. And when we (I specifically) sin, I always feel terrible after. Like I can’t just sin and and be like “oh, it’s okay. i know God will forgive me.” No. He knows when we are serious about whether or not we are truly apologetic or strive to be a better person. It’s not “justification” in anyway. Also, to me, it’s not a fairy tale. I still believe heavily in karma. I do things not because “hey, this is good karma and i want good things to happen to me” or “hey, if i do this i can get to heaven.” I do good things because they are good things to do and I consider myself to be a pretty good person.
I do not treat anyone terribly. I actually try my hardest to make everyone happy, even if it means putting them above myself. No, I don’t treat myself the way I should. But I’m working on it, and that is a personal thing between me and God.
I do not think I am forgiven, I know I am. I do not try to be negative person. But I do post a good bit of sad poems here, just because tumblr is like an outlet to me. I do not live my life through that negativity. I release it here. You could ask anyone who actually knows me in real life, and they will tell you what a positive person I am.
"Let a man judge himself."
It’s okay if you do not agree with me. But it’s not okay to try and belittle me, or make me feel bad about myself. Especially through my religion.
I personally do not see Jesus in you, seeing as you are judging me even though you do not know me.
But it’s not my place to assume anything about you. Have a nice night.
I believe in Heaven. I also believe in hell. God, Lucifer, angels, demons. The whole 9 yards. I believe that Jesus, the son of God, came to Earth and was crucified for my sins, and for the sins of everyone else in the world. And I believe that someday, I will meet him and I will say thank you.
But that’s just me. And I’m not going to force any of those beliefs on you.